Mnemophobic ! October 18, 2009
Posted by satanifiedenthu in parallel existence.Tags: life, memory, mind, mnemophobia, think
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While discussing the not so faint memories with myself, I discovered what kind of fear I have. It’s been given a term “mnemophobia”. This refers, in general, to the fear of memories. I have always been amazed how a thing happened in past, partially or totally stored in some corner of our brain analyzed deeply by our heart can create such an impact on our whole life.
What I did believed always was that things happen, and they happen unknowingly. But memories create fear in me. Good memories create a situation in which everything seems less. They force us to think that the present situation always lack something. And about the bad memories, they follow you till eternity ! They are the most selfish things ever created by ourselves, for ourselves !
Indirectly I think, infact I know that I deeply suffer from this mnemophobia !
Insecure soul, I still believe in creating memories ! memories that shall live forever in one mind or another. Memories that would be in my mind, and remind me of what I have been, and thus to a good extent what I will be.
Go hell with my “for a change” philosophy, go hell with the innovation. Give me memories, memories to cherish forever, and I would be grateful to you.
Amen.
Satanicenthu
Letters to my Soul. Again. October 14, 2009
Posted by satanifiedenthu in Ripple, parallel existence.Tags: Amen, God, heart, letter, mind, think
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Dear Arpit,
It’s been over 20 years now, and you have been well acknowledging my presence as well as importance in your life. It’s been very well known that you are nothing without me; people will consider you a paranormal (as some still say) without me. You have got machinery, a mechanism by means of which you can react, think, and carry yourself in the form of me. I “hope” (yes one of your much hyped words) that you consider this as a strict warning.
Do not forget at any stage that I can make you feel so much depressed, retarded that you will consider dying as a better option than to live. You are, because you have me !
Now follow me carefully, follow me attentively, without reasoning ( anyways you can’t reason without me ) to whatever I say. I want you to follow me, consider my appetite for your decision making. Please understand, I would never ask anything bad for you. I want you to stop following your heart ! stop listening to him, especially when I am in command. Believe me, its for your better !
It’s a humble request, kindly follow me, or else be ready to face the consequences.
Yours sincerely,
Mind.
——-
Dear Arpit,
You often would have felt the presence of someone who is always with you. I am the one who beats for you (though I know I get the orders from someone else) , but I selflessly belongs to you.
The sometime beautiful and sometime dreadful feeling, the anxiety you feel most of the time, the shivering, the panic, the chaos within, it’s all because you possess me. All that apart, you admire “nature”( another hyped word for you) because of me. I am the one who tells you to run in the rain, to appreciate the beauty of a butterfly.
Most importantly I am the humble creator of your very own heartbeat, the sound that you love when you run, when you work. Yes, it’s the sound you love to hear when you are alone !
Now, please consider my prayer, listen to me always. I am the one responsible for your existence; I give you the emotions you always want to feel, and I always give what you want, trust me.
Yours only,
Heart.
——-
My soul thought. Oh no, I mean felt! No I mean it can’t do both of these without the mind and the heart. So I suppose my soul contained these within me. I have a mind that can think, think really well if I allow him to do so. A heart, which know what I want, which gives me all type of feelings I desire.
I just have to listen to my mind or heart when they are right. Basically we are at the same place where we all started. I love my mind and my heart !
Amen.
Satanicenthu !
I Suffer. September 30, 2009
Posted by satanifiedenthu in Ripple, parallel existence.Tags: dream, suffer, think, time
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An absolutely pessimistic post, about what happens when you are in pain. Pain because you know what is happening, but can’t help it. You, trying to ‘be the change’ in the situation even worsens it.
You try to think things that didn’t happened. Thinking that you can come back easily from this situation, can easily come up to the surface of this deep lake to which you are into. Strangled in the green grass of the lake.
I want to rain along with the clouds, flow with the wind, fall along with the tear. Just want to get out of this situation. I want to come out of this unending, true dream.
My hands are shivering and are cold with sweat. I could feel the blood flowing in my veins, could feel every little possibility of things going wrong. Just want to hear a word “yes” for my only question “will you be there with me?”
I just want the time to stop, so that all this would stop and I can hide in the little places dispersing in the time tornado. Or all I could ask for after experiencing all this is forgiveness. Or should I still suffer, and wait for the time to never stop?
Amen.
A Journey with Light. September 10, 2009
Posted by satanifiedenthu in Fictitious, parallel existence.Tags: darkness, fly, God, light, think
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As children we all have a very strong desire to fly, I too had a dream to fly. To fly high, fast and open. Many times I have dreams of flying, which shows my strong wish for flying. One day someone agreed to take me along with her to fly. And that was none other than light.
Light asked me before hand if I had any fear of speed, people or objects. As she prepared me for the journey with her, she was convinced that she isn’t doing any mistake. As I tried to keep my cool, excitement grew and nervousness flapped its wings and went away. Actually everything seems to be flying!
Surrendering to the light, I lay barefoot on the medium she provided. I was surprised to see such an affectionate, kind and concerned attitude of light. She cared a lot about people, lives, world and the universe. We traveled miles and miles in a straight line, through the space, reflected at the beautiful lakes, glaring bright we offered innumerable beautiful scenes. We entered the trees, reflecting only the green part of ours, we were absorbed fully by the shade, intensified by the shining peaks, entered the eyes, interpreted by the small cones and rods. We discovered a whole new world of loneliness and isolation existing in the entire natural phenomenon.
Then I asked light a simple question. Do you ever feel satisfied with all these mighty qualities and Godly significance you have?
Light replied in a very polite manner
People are still unaware that there is one very beautiful creature in this world, which is much faster than me and reaches everywhere before I can. And even more fascinating thing about her is that she is so fast that I haven’t met her till now.
Light smiled and left before I could thank her.
Amen.
Walking with my Head Down. June 15, 2009
Posted by satanifiedenthu in Ripple, parallel existence.Tags: change, God, life, nature, think, walk
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Walking alone with an infinite thought process in the mind, and eyes closed, is one of my favorite and a very promising habit. Whenever I feel the need, I switch to this mode. It makes you feel closer to nature, yourself and to the world. You can hear sounds of nature then.
With my head down, eyes closed, I accept the life. The life as it has been.
It sometime feels so helpless, as with my head down, I am not able to change, to question anything happening around. But at the same time it gives the feeling of independence, a non caring attitude towards the world that I am not responsible for whatever is happening around. I am not the one answerable for all this, this has happened since it was destined to be so, no me or I in that.
I came here for a change, so I don’t think it’s bad to be what I came here for, to observe a change taking place, or to be the change?
And I continue walking with my head down…
Amen.
Satanicenthu.
The Free Fall. June 4, 2009
Posted by satanifiedenthu in Fictitious, Ripple, parallel existence.Tags: dream, life, nostalgia, think
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I think I am standing in nowhere, my eyes are closed, heart still beating, I can feel the pulse in my left wrist, and load of my featherweight body on my 2 legs. I am wearing shoes, no skull cap; yeah I can still touch the silver ring in my right hand’s little finger. No, I am not in my room, nor in my balcony. The wind is cold, hitting my face hard and naked. Even the left ear is paining due to the cold airstream here. This is the present.
The next moment I got a push from the back, I opened my eyes and Ohh man, I am flying, and or rather I should say crashing down to the ground level. I tried to see who pushed me, all I could realize was a building roof, and a hand with a ring in the little finger. Was that me?
Anyways, all I now know is that I am flying. An ache in my chest, a heart attack? I remember some words “when there is no imagination, there is no fear”, and it always worked. I folded my hands, maneuvered myself so that I can see the sky, cloud stained, shades of grey all over it. The cold breeze whistling in my ears, and I am going down at an incredible speed. What would I imagine now? The whole life was flashing in my eyes. I looked through the eyes of time. I think I did a good job? And of course a lot of unfinished tasks. This was the past.
And then I saw a distant star, between the grey clouds, a bit of smile visible in its twinkle. Just a thought, was it a sign what I just saw? Was it me who pushed the other me crashing down? I think I have seen it all, the life, the sky, the rain and the me. I knew it, I was the one who pushed me down, as this was what I needed to experience, to see my entire life, pondering upon dreams I had and everything. I think I am reaching the ground level, In a moment I would be lying on the ground, unable to move. Ohh wait!?
My silver ring is no more there in my little finger, Oh My God, who was that, the one who pushed me? And Dhupp..
I opened my eyes, in a room; sweat over my forehead, the only thing I remember was my silver ring, and I tried searching for it , it wasn’t there in my little finger. I got up, brushed my teeth, saw a familiar shape in the sink, and there it was, my only silver ring. Just on the verge of getting disappeared. I know what It wanted to show, fill the box of life with chocolates of pure, true and divine flavors, love syrup, and adventure coatings. That’s what you are going to remember forever.
I always knew that I am one of the fanatics who talks to himself, but this was the first time I did it this way. To free my self, to dream for me, to live as if I exist.
Amen.
Satanicenthu.
Waiting for Someone. March 29, 2009
Posted by satanifiedenthu in Ripple.Tags: God, think, wait
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One fine night, when I was sitting alone on the road, I saw the street light posts in a perfect straight line. All of them giving some wonderful piece of orange dim light which has a beautiful quality of allowing the time to be framed corresponding to your mood. Sooner or later I realized the importance of spending some time alone, waiting for it to happen, someone to come. I could feel my strangled thoughts going round about between the lamp posts, over the lake, occasionally making a whoosh sound and allowing me to concentrate on what free thinking is. Sometimes I feel the need of my eyes being a camera which can capture these moments for me, without even me knowing about it.
The prickly cold air, the diminishing sense of trueness, it makes me realizes the path between the heart and the mind. Frequently it happens that we are not able to feel the situation. Waiting and waiting I see my life flashing in front of my eyes. Sometimes I count to three thinking that this would end, but it just doesn’t seem so. I love this way of life when we know it just can’t be like this, but we still appreciate if it happens. May God just do it! A miracle is what we wait for sometimes.
I see the air making way through the grainy road, and I just hit the road too hard with my hand, believing that it might make a difference to the present situation, but it just doesn’t. There is something in the twinkling of stars that we can’t see, about the way they wait, standing alone in the sky. And I am still waiting thinking that When I want something, the whole of the universe conspires in helping me to achieve it…
And then I reach the situation when I have started liking this act of waiting. May God stops time here so that if I haven’t got what I have been waiting for, at least I still haven’t lost it. And I like this, the wait for someone, though I would love if it happens someday.
