The Flying Stones.

The flying stones.

Flying inspires my soul as though it can do anything. The idea of flying, in fact even the sight of flying makes me feel closer to nature than ever. One of my favorite acts while walking in the campus is throwing stones in the lakes, so that they appear flying on the surface.

The stone bounces off the surface of the lake and then finally sinks. As if the stone is on its last and final journey. after which it won’t be able to see the sun, the sky, the moon and the stars, no moving humans, no falling leaves, no butterfly passing by, no birds chirping and yeah! No more Arpit picking it up and throwing it in the lake.

It creates the momentarily ripples at each bounce, beautifully originating from the stone’s tip and peacefully disappearing into the water. Depicting the light and dark of the memories it holds. Creates the impression of being considerably important yet erasable. Like yellow mixing with blue for some time contains its yellowness before it being recognized as green.

Taking names while throwing the stones, I make a silent wish or request on each throw, even I don’t know what, but I remember that I do .Watching such a moment relieves you of all the worry you have. It’s comforting and it’s dynamic. A very important habit that has now became essential.

Amen.

Letters to my Soul. Again.

Dear Arpit,

It’s been over 20 years now, and you have been well acknowledging my presence as well as importance in your life. It’s been very well known that you are nothing without me; people will consider you a paranormal (as some still say) without me. You have got machinery, a mechanism by means of which you can react, think, and carry yourself in the form of me. I “hope” (yes one of your much hyped words) that you consider this as a strict warning.

Do not forget at any stage that I can make you feel so much depressed, retarded that you will consider dying as a better option than to live. You are, because you have me !

Now follow me carefully, follow me attentively, without reasoning ( anyways you can’t reason without me ) to whatever I say. I want you to follow me, consider my appetite for your decision making. Please understand, I would never ask anything bad for you. I want you to stop following your heart ! stop listening to him, especially when I am in command. Believe me, its for your better !

It’s a humble request, kindly follow me, or else be ready to face the consequences.

Yours sincerely,

Mind.

——-

Dear Arpit,

You often would have felt the presence of someone who is always with you. I am the one who beats for you (though I know I get the orders from someone else) , but I selflessly belongs to you.

The sometime beautiful and sometime dreadful feeling, the anxiety you feel most of the time, the shivering, the panic, the chaos within, it’s all because you possess me. All that apart, you admire “nature”( another hyped word for you) because of me. I am the one who tells you to run in the rain, to appreciate the beauty of a butterfly.

Most importantly I am the humble creator of your very own heartbeat, the sound that you love when you run, when you work. Yes, it’s the sound you love to hear when you are alone !

Now, please consider my prayer, listen to me always. I am the one responsible for your existence; I give you the emotions you always want to feel, and I always give what you want, trust me.

Yours only,

Heart.

——-

My soul thought. Oh no, I mean felt! No I mean it can’t do both of these without the mind and the heart. So I suppose my soul contained these within me. I have a mind that can think, think really well if I allow him to do so. A heart, which know what I want, which gives me all type of feelings I desire.

I just have to listen to my mind or heart when they are right. Basically we are at the same place where we all started. I love my mind and my heart !

Amen.

Satanicenthu !

I Suffer.

An absolutely pessimistic post, about what happens when you are in pain. Pain because you know what is happening, but can’t help it. You, trying to ‘be the change’ in the situation even worsens it.

You try to think things that didn’t happened. Thinking that you can come back easily from this situation, can easily come up to the surface of this deep lake to which you are into. Strangled in the green grass of the lake.

I want to rain along with the clouds, flow with the wind, fall along with the tear. Just want to get out of this situation. I want to come out of this unending, true dream.

My hands are shivering and are cold with sweat. I could feel the blood flowing in my veins, could feel every little possibility of things going wrong. Just want to hear a word “yes” for my only question “will you be there with me?”

I just want the time to stop, so that all this would stop and I can hide in the little places dispersing in the time tornado. Or all I could ask for after experiencing all this is forgiveness. Or should I still suffer, and wait for the time to never stop?

Amen.

The Darkness.

It happens sometimes that we wait; we wait because someone will be there when we leave. Wait in order to be replaced by someone else? Why can’t both of us be there together? Why is it that I had to leave when you will be there? We do need to spend some common time. Some very fruitful time, enrich our life with this time.

Whose fault is it? Is it that the lively colors cannot come along with the blindness? Or is it that chaos leaves peacefully for the tranquility to settle? We do not believe in the full moon till we haven’t seen the dark side of it. Call it the vicious circle of universe, but someone has to sacrifice for the other somebody to exist.

I keep the doors open, happily and readily for the anti of me to come and replace me. So it means that emptiness waits for you to break it. Dreams are seen just to be wakened up by someone in between? Silence recognizes itself when supersonic sound breaks it? Should silence not be allowed to spend some time with its counter part sound? Would loneliness never want to meet someone? Won’t it not require someone to share its wisdom earned after so many years of hardships?

Confused by the paranoid situations occurring in front of me, I sometimes ask myself; does corresponding thoughts intersect?

If light has reached somewhere, then it does imply that darkness would have been there long before we think light reached. So should I admit that it is darkness due to which we are acknowledging the importance of light in our life?

Feel lucky enough to have spend some common time together. Pretty lucky !

Amen.

The Light Mistress.

Walking in the sun, body drenched in the sweat, I saw a little, cute girl in her school uniform. She was holding an umbrella in order to be protected from the mighty sunshine. No tint of breeze, it was all glittering yellow, bright yellow. Then on the road in front of me was her, and in front of her was cloud’s shadow. A big grey colored spot, like an oasis in the desert. I try to follow her, in order to get the shade of the cloud.

I kept praying to God to hold that beautiful, grey colored form of the hope in this glaring sunlight. And so I followed that little girl or the Light mistress as I thought her to be, as she was the one leading that ‘hope’. I tried to quicken my steps in order to reach there, but it just carried along with her.

And then I realized, she was taking away my ‘hope’, the goodness in the life, the nurturing part of the nature. I was annoyed not to be able to catch up with her, unsatisfied with all my efforts, I keep losing my trust. Finally I decided to stop and watch my integrity break. I sat under the dazzling sun, thinking what had just happened.

She was the light mistress, how could she take away the light from me? Instead I realized, she was taking away the easiness, the readiness of everything from my life. The word was misinterpreted, the ‘hope’ was to remain with me, and thus I looked the situation through the filled part of the glass. She took away the darkness, left me with undying light, power to realize, controlled patience. Light mistress, you lead me to light.

Amen.

Walking with my Head Down.

Walking alone with an infinite thought process in the mind, and eyes closed, is one of my favorite and a very promising habit. Whenever I feel the need, I switch to this mode. It makes you feel closer to nature, yourself and to the world. You can hear sounds of nature then.

With my head down, eyes closed, I accept the life. The life as it has been.

It sometime feels so helpless, as with my head down, I am not able to change, to question anything happening around. But at the same time it gives the feeling of independence, a non caring attitude towards the world that I am not responsible for whatever is happening around. I am not the one answerable for all this, this has happened since it was destined to be so, no me or I in that.

I came here for a change, so I don’t think it’s bad to be what I came here for, to observe a change taking place, or to be the change?

And I continue walking with my head down…

Amen.

Satanicenthu.

The Free Fall.

I think I am standing in nowhere, my eyes are closed, heart still beating, I can feel the pulse in my left wrist, and load of my featherweight body on my 2 legs. I am wearing shoes, no skull cap; yeah I can still touch the silver ring in my right hand’s little finger. No, I am not in my room, nor in my balcony. The wind is cold, hitting my face hard and naked. Even the left ear is paining due to the cold airstream here. This is the present.

The next moment I got a push from the back, I opened my eyes and Ohh man, I am flying, and or rather I should say crashing down to the ground level. I tried to see who pushed me, all I could realize was a building roof, and a hand with a ring in the little finger. Was that me?

Anyways, all I now know is that I am flying. An ache in my chest, a heart attack? I remember some words “when there is no imagination, there is no fear”, and it always worked. I folded my hands, maneuvered myself so that I can see the sky, cloud stained, shades of grey all over it. The cold breeze whistling in my ears, and I am going down at an incredible speed. What would I imagine now? The whole life was flashing in my eyes. I looked through the eyes of time. I think I did a good job? And of course a lot of unfinished tasks. This was the past.

And then I saw a distant star, between the grey clouds, a bit of smile visible in its twinkle. Just a thought, was it a sign what I just saw? Was it me who pushed the other me crashing down? I think I have seen it all, the life, the sky, the rain and the me. I knew it, I was the one who pushed me down, as this was what I needed to experience, to see my entire life, pondering upon dreams I had and everything. I think I am reaching the ground level, In a moment I would be lying on the ground, unable to move. Ohh wait!?

My silver ring is no more there in my little finger, Oh My God, who was that, the one who pushed me? And Dhupp..

I opened my eyes, in a room; sweat over my forehead, the only thing I remember was my silver ring,  and I tried searching for it , it wasn’t there in my little finger. I got up, brushed my teeth, saw a familiar shape in the sink, and there it was, my only silver ring. Just on the verge of getting disappeared. I know what It wanted to show, fill the box of life with chocolates of pure, true and divine flavors, love syrup, and adventure coatings. That’s what you are going to remember forever.

I always knew that I am one of the fanatics who talks to himself, but this was the first time I did it this way. To free my self, to dream for me, to live as if I exist.

Amen.

Satanicenthu.

The Rain.

Its like each and every drop has its own significance, meaning, and purpose to fall. It represents the grief, joy, feelings of the people, the happiness and the sad, the good and the bad. Each drop actually is the experience of someone, the problems of someone, the fun, crime, deeds. It contains the gossip of the nature, the truth of the wind, the secret of the mountains, history of the lakes, life for the green, medium for the dust.

I love to run while it rains, as fast as I can, shout to the maximum. Run bare feet on the wet road, the rain drops falling on my naked face, water dripping from my ear, and I can see a droplet falling and forming again and again on my nose tip. I even taste the purity of water while it rains, and only then can tell how the world tastes. But I love it since, now I know what the world is, all the problems, and suffering fall on the ground silently. The joy, the fun, the happiness is spread through this rain. I want to feel it, never want to miss any chance to engrave myself with these. I love the rain as it is, so pure and so true.

Amen.

Satanicenthu.

The Ground level.

This is absolute ground level. This has got to be the base, the foundation. This has to be the purest part of the whole thing. I am touching the region, which is handling the whole world. Yes, I am at the ground level.

We can view things as we want. We sometimes own the world, or rather we don’t care who owns the world. At ground level, you hold the world. You can see every truth, every belief on which this world stands. I am lying on the grass, the cold, soft, beautiful green grass touching my check. Eyes open, I see the stars through that green grass. I can hear me breathing, the silhouette of grass against the whole world. Yes, I am at the ground level.

Feel yourself at a point when everything you see is above you, so complicated, so sophisticated. Put your ear against the ground, hear the nature. Its clean, without any stain, its pure, its so simple and so clean. Absolutely spotless. Considering myself so lucky that everything is above me, I don’t have to care about what my present situation is, current scenario is so peaceful. Do not have to care what others think. Yes, I am at the ground level.

Sometimes we should not listen to what these sounds in the world are for, what these creature crave for, just leave God to think on its own. Just feel the beauty. Yes, I am at the ground level !.

Amen.

Waiting for Someone.

One fine night, when I was sitting alone on the road, I saw the street light posts in a perfect straight line. All of them giving some wonderful piece of orange dim light which has a beautiful quality of allowing the time to be framed corresponding to your mood. Sooner or later I realized the importance of spending some time alone, waiting for it to happen, someone to come. I could feel my strangled thoughts going round about between the lamp posts, over the lake, occasionally making a whoosh sound and allowing me to concentrate on what free thinking is. Sometimes I feel the need of my eyes being a camera which can capture these moments for me, without even me knowing about it.

The prickly cold air, the diminishing sense of trueness, it makes me realizes the path between the heart and the mind. Frequently it happens that we are not able to feel the situation. Waiting and waiting I see my life flashing in front of my eyes. Sometimes I count to three thinking that this would end, but it just doesn’t seem so. I love this way of life when we know it just can’t be like this, but we still appreciate if it happens. May God just do it! A miracle is what we wait for sometimes.

I see the air making way through the grainy road, and I just hit the road too hard with my hand, believing that it might make a difference to the present situation, but it just doesn’t. There is something in the twinkling of stars that we can’t see, about the way they wait, standing alone in the sky. And I am still waiting thinking that When I want something, the whole of the universe conspires in helping me to achieve it…

And then I reach the situation when I have started liking this act of waiting. May God stops time here so that if I haven’t got what I have been waiting for, at least I still haven’t lost it. And I like this, the wait for someone, though I would love if it happens someday.