I Gaze.

Every night in the sky, I see the stars twinkling and the clouds maneuvering. This is like a silent world full of soundless and wrinkle free space. It’s like a butterfly you can’t take your eyes away from. People say that once someone dies, it represents a star in this beautiful sky. I love to believe in this, just because it seems such a pure thought, you can obey that this is true, since you want it to be!

One fine day, I saw a women sitting near a grave, but more importantly she was not crying or looking sad. There were no tears in her eyes, but there was this shine, the shine that we miss in our daily life, we forget the meaning of this shine, the twinkle that make our face so living! I believed that she had a reason to this shine; she was appearing as though she was laughing silently, in her mind. Might be remembering a worthy reason to live, so meaningful to sit at such a place and going through an always aspired feeling for peace. She was remembering some of the calmest moments in her life, and yet ready for what we call a very tainted, roaring other world.

It was like a silence filled, random and  purified butterfly ride.

Even if it flaps its wings, there is only one small probability of a tornado somewhere. But this was what we consider diversity, the women sitting at a grave, was so quite, it appeared like there is a butterfly flying in one part of her mind, and a tornado on the other. And she gazed with a shine in her eyes like she wants the time to stop.

Walking with my Head Down.

Walking alone with an infinite thought process in the mind, and eyes closed, is one of my favorite and a very promising habit. Whenever I feel the need, I switch to this mode. It makes you feel closer to nature, yourself and to the world. You can hear sounds of nature then.

With my head down, eyes closed, I accept the life. The life as it has been.

It sometime feels so helpless, as with my head down, I am not able to change, to question anything happening around. But at the same time it gives the feeling of independence, a non caring attitude towards the world that I am not responsible for whatever is happening around. I am not the one answerable for all this, this has happened since it was destined to be so, no me or I in that.

I came here for a change, so I don’t think it’s bad to be what I came here for, to observe a change taking place, or to be the change?

And I continue walking with my head down…

Amen.

Satanicenthu.

The Free Fall.

I think I am standing in nowhere, my eyes are closed, heart still beating, I can feel the pulse in my left wrist, and load of my featherweight body on my 2 legs. I am wearing shoes, no skull cap; yeah I can still touch the silver ring in my right hand’s little finger. No, I am not in my room, nor in my balcony. The wind is cold, hitting my face hard and naked. Even the left ear is paining due to the cold airstream here. This is the present.

The next moment I got a push from the back, I opened my eyes and Ohh man, I am flying, and or rather I should say crashing down to the ground level. I tried to see who pushed me, all I could realize was a building roof, and a hand with a ring in the little finger. Was that me?

Anyways, all I now know is that I am flying. An ache in my chest, a heart attack? I remember some words “when there is no imagination, there is no fear”, and it always worked. I folded my hands, maneuvered myself so that I can see the sky, cloud stained, shades of grey all over it. The cold breeze whistling in my ears, and I am going down at an incredible speed. What would I imagine now? The whole life was flashing in my eyes. I looked through the eyes of time. I think I did a good job? And of course a lot of unfinished tasks. This was the past.

And then I saw a distant star, between the grey clouds, a bit of smile visible in its twinkle. Just a thought, was it a sign what I just saw? Was it me who pushed the other me crashing down? I think I have seen it all, the life, the sky, the rain and the me. I knew it, I was the one who pushed me down, as this was what I needed to experience, to see my entire life, pondering upon dreams I had and everything. I think I am reaching the ground level, In a moment I would be lying on the ground, unable to move. Ohh wait!?

My silver ring is no more there in my little finger, Oh My God, who was that, the one who pushed me? And Dhupp..

I opened my eyes, in a room; sweat over my forehead, the only thing I remember was my silver ring,  and I tried searching for it , it wasn’t there in my little finger. I got up, brushed my teeth, saw a familiar shape in the sink, and there it was, my only silver ring. Just on the verge of getting disappeared. I know what It wanted to show, fill the box of life with chocolates of pure, true and divine flavors, love syrup, and adventure coatings. That’s what you are going to remember forever.

I always knew that I am one of the fanatics who talks to himself, but this was the first time I did it this way. To free my self, to dream for me, to live as if I exist.

Amen.

Satanicenthu.

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

It has been around three years of college life, living in a so called “dream” land, where most of the people come to achieve there dreams. While some of the minority including me come just to dream.

It has been quite a wonderland experience for me to be here, Yeah! The dreamland! But apart from the astonishing beauty of the place, what leads me to write this is an absolutely different level of people I have met here. The people whom I think were surprisingly diverse in nature, qualities and aura that surrounded them were more or less under the same shadow. The shadow of utter independence, freedom and dream to DREAM!

Yeah, I am talking about some of the most elegant people I met in my college life till now- my beloved seniors. They were definitely a different league of people, extraordinary in every sense, and as now they have left us abandoned after three years of extensive and exclusive training, mentorship, development programs I feel quite alone, more or less like a child, who is adapted to look for someone for help, but eventually finds no one. I don’t know exactly what I will do now, who will I seek now, it’s just as though a good amount of oxygen has been removed from the atmosphere, we can still live, but with an unusual level of uneasiness existing with us wherever we go.

On a memorable note it’s more like we all have a bit of Mnemophobia ( fear of memories) but then it is we ourselves who have to overcome this, and accepts this for a better place to live in.

Amen!

Satanicenthu.

The Rain.

Its like each and every drop has its own significance, meaning, and purpose to fall. It represents the grief, joy, feelings of the people, the happiness and the sad, the good and the bad. Each drop actually is the experience of someone, the problems of someone, the fun, crime, deeds. It contains the gossip of the nature, the truth of the wind, the secret of the mountains, history of the lakes, life for the green, medium for the dust.

I love to run while it rains, as fast as I can, shout to the maximum. Run bare feet on the wet road, the rain drops falling on my naked face, water dripping from my ear, and I can see a droplet falling and forming again and again on my nose tip. I even taste the purity of water while it rains, and only then can tell how the world tastes. But I love it since, now I know what the world is, all the problems, and suffering fall on the ground silently. The joy, the fun, the happiness is spread through this rain. I want to feel it, never want to miss any chance to engrave myself with these. I love the rain as it is, so pure and so true.

Amen.

Satanicenthu.

The Ground level.

This is absolute ground level. This has got to be the base, the foundation. This has to be the purest part of the whole thing. I am touching the region, which is handling the whole world. Yes, I am at the ground level.

We can view things as we want. We sometimes own the world, or rather we don’t care who owns the world. At ground level, you hold the world. You can see every truth, every belief on which this world stands. I am lying on the grass, the cold, soft, beautiful green grass touching my check. Eyes open, I see the stars through that green grass. I can hear me breathing, the silhouette of grass against the whole world. Yes, I am at the ground level.

Feel yourself at a point when everything you see is above you, so complicated, so sophisticated. Put your ear against the ground, hear the nature. Its clean, without any stain, its pure, its so simple and so clean. Absolutely spotless. Considering myself so lucky that everything is above me, I don’t have to care about what my present situation is, current scenario is so peaceful. Do not have to care what others think. Yes, I am at the ground level.

Sometimes we should not listen to what these sounds in the world are for, what these creature crave for, just leave God to think on its own. Just feel the beauty. Yes, I am at the ground level !.

Amen.

Waiting for Someone.

One fine night, when I was sitting alone on the road, I saw the street light posts in a perfect straight line. All of them giving some wonderful piece of orange dim light which has a beautiful quality of allowing the time to be framed corresponding to your mood. Sooner or later I realized the importance of spending some time alone, waiting for it to happen, someone to come. I could feel my strangled thoughts going round about between the lamp posts, over the lake, occasionally making a whoosh sound and allowing me to concentrate on what free thinking is. Sometimes I feel the need of my eyes being a camera which can capture these moments for me, without even me knowing about it.

The prickly cold air, the diminishing sense of trueness, it makes me realizes the path between the heart and the mind. Frequently it happens that we are not able to feel the situation. Waiting and waiting I see my life flashing in front of my eyes. Sometimes I count to three thinking that this would end, but it just doesn’t seem so. I love this way of life when we know it just can’t be like this, but we still appreciate if it happens. May God just do it! A miracle is what we wait for sometimes.

I see the air making way through the grainy road, and I just hit the road too hard with my hand, believing that it might make a difference to the present situation, but it just doesn’t. There is something in the twinkling of stars that we can’t see, about the way they wait, standing alone in the sky. And I am still waiting thinking that When I want something, the whole of the universe conspires in helping me to achieve it…

And then I reach the situation when I have started liking this act of waiting. May God stops time here so that if I haven’t got what I have been waiting for, at least I still haven’t lost it. And I like this, the wait for someone, though I would love if it happens someday.

A Walk to Remember.

Walking with someone you admire, someone you appreciate, someone you like, someone you love is like you can feel all the stars in the sky with you. The sound of footsteps is so clear, so prominent that you can feel its synchronization with the heart beat. The time seems to pass by as though a jet vroom cross the air.

Walking along as though you are listening to everything she says, you are in your own dreams, laughing silently within. Praying that this time never ends, Oh’ Lord, stop the time as if I can feel the fly’s wing flapping. Seeing the sky above, eyes dazzled due to lighted sky. The rain drops falling on your eyes, you feel the purity of water. How clear is the whisper in the wind. Jumping and touching both your legs in air. Moving your hands with the wind without her knowing. Looking into her eyes, unable to believe that this is happening. Suddenly everything seems so nice; we are able to understand the beauty of the world.

Thanking Lord, for what a feeling has he made. With arms wide open praying that may this time lasts till eternity. Everything is so blurred yet so clear. Questioning your divine soul about the truth of the situation. Crying for what we call boundless expectations or rather endless satisfaction. You are looking at a beautiful world which one could have never imagined, never thought of. So pure, so genuine, so real!

A moment which would be history by now. Feeling nostalgia for a world that I have never known. A walk to remember, forever…

Amen.

Satanicenthu !

The beautiful world.

Realization is the art of a ravishing mind. We feel the truth, and are taken aback. Thinking once again about what we have done. Creating our own hypothetical analysis for  success. A crave for our expectations. Shattered thoughts running through blood stream, and of course the question “why?’.

Having figured out the dream we were looking for, regretting what happened .Convincing our mind by the virtual excuses that do not exist. We initiate a thinking which is constituted by fear, surprise, frustration and bounded by our own so called limits. We feel better, continuing our optimistic thought process to ‘exist’ in life. Believing other factors responsible for everything we do.

We either don’t do what we want,  rather we are not able to do what we like, or we know that what we did was not what we wanted. Regretting about what you did, is like dreaming with full confidence that dreams won’t be true, because that is what we wanted. The air around us asks for being interpreted, check out how it speaks  when it gently caress through our face.Realizing is nature, the important thing is believing what we are not. Change the reason for doing things. Do what mind think is right, then never realize, in fact we do not need to do so then.

Having realized what this beautiful world is, forgiveness is what I ask for.

Amen!

Satanicenthu.

Amen

Amen : The word Amen ( ; آمين, ’Āmīn ; “So be it; truly”) is a declaration of affirmation found in the Hebrew Bible and New Testament. Its use in Judaism dates back to its earliest texts. It has been generally adopted in Christian worship as a concluding formula for prayers and hymns.

Dear Lord,

May my dreams come true, Amen.

Please don’t make me dream so much, Amen.

Make my thinking boundless, imagination infinite, Amen.

Please make me think less, Amen.

May I help everybody, Amen.

Please help me, Amen.

Lord change the myself in me, Amen.

Please make me see myself, Amen.

……..

Dear Arpit,

What do you want? ohh fanatic.

……..

Dear Lord,

Grant me some peace, a little of a pure peace, mixed with a lot of satisfaction, Amen.

Lord, if you can reply me, then why not other people cannot feel you, listen to you, read you. I want to see myself, Amen.

……..

I got it, so should you, Amen.