The Silence !

I am in a state of silence. Not that I am silent.

I can’t hear any macroscopic sounds, no murmuring, no whispers. Nothing actually felt by my auditory receptors, only the unknown vibrations felt by my mind, might be just the thoughts traveling across or feelings vibrating within.

“Please don’t make any noise, I want silence”. The sound of this voice keeps revolving around my head, over the mind, crossing above the ear lane, paralleled back tracing the mysterious vein. Appears as though, sounds are in the form of green bright leaves, with water droplets on them as on a winter morning reflecting back the sun’s rays. And the leaves are circling around my head.

Again and again, in a rhythmic manner, appears so beautiful that I hear them clearly and thus maintaining my state of silence, utter silence.

The beep sound from one of my ear, the sound of my eyes blinking, the noise of my breathing, my beautiful heart beat, the sound of blood flowing in my veins, and the silence around… and I am hearing none of them, I just can’t hear any of them.

What exactly it is then? Thoughts fell like silent leaves falling of the tree, blurred vision due to silent tears.

What silence? Its not silence, it’s not a state without sound! It’s more of a myth.

or just, I am in a state of silence. Not that I am silent.

Amen.

The Flying Stones.

The flying stones.

Flying inspires my soul as though it can do anything. The idea of flying, in fact even the sight of flying makes me feel closer to nature than ever. One of my favorite acts while walking in the campus is throwing stones in the lakes, so that they appear flying on the surface.

The stone bounces off the surface of the lake and then finally sinks. As if the stone is on its last and final journey. after which it won’t be able to see the sun, the sky, the moon and the stars, no moving humans, no falling leaves, no butterfly passing by, no birds chirping and yeah! No more Arpit picking it up and throwing it in the lake.

It creates the momentarily ripples at each bounce, beautifully originating from the stone’s tip and peacefully disappearing into the water. Depicting the light and dark of the memories it holds. Creates the impression of being considerably important yet erasable. Like yellow mixing with blue for some time contains its yellowness before it being recognized as green.

Taking names while throwing the stones, I make a silent wish or request on each throw, even I don’t know what, but I remember that I do .Watching such a moment relieves you of all the worry you have. It’s comforting and it’s dynamic. A very important habit that has now became essential.

Amen.

Mnemophobic !

While discussing the not so faint memories with myself, I discovered what kind of fear I have. It’s been given a term “mnemophobia”. This refers, in general, to the fear of memories. I have always been amazed how a thing happened in past, partially or totally stored in some corner of our brain analyzed deeply by our heart can create such an impact on our whole life.

What I did believed always was that things happen, and they happen unknowingly. But memories create fear in me. Good memories create a situation in which everything seems less. They force us to think that the present situation always lack something. And about the bad memories, they follow you till eternity ! They are the most selfish things ever created by ourselves, for ourselves !

Indirectly I think, infact I know that I deeply suffer from this mnemophobia !

Insecure soul, I still believe in creating memories ! memories that shall live forever in one mind or another. Memories that would be in my mind, and remind me of what I have been, and thus to a good extent what I will be.

Go hell with my “for a change” philosophy, go hell with the innovation. Give me memories, memories to cherish forever, and I would be grateful to you.

Amen.

Satanicenthu

Letters to my Soul. Again.

Dear Arpit,

It’s been over 20 years now, and you have been well acknowledging my presence as well as importance in your life. It’s been very well known that you are nothing without me; people will consider you a paranormal (as some still say) without me. You have got machinery, a mechanism by means of which you can react, think, and carry yourself in the form of me. I “hope” (yes one of your much hyped words) that you consider this as a strict warning.

Do not forget at any stage that I can make you feel so much depressed, retarded that you will consider dying as a better option than to live. You are, because you have me !

Now follow me carefully, follow me attentively, without reasoning ( anyways you can’t reason without me ) to whatever I say. I want you to follow me, consider my appetite for your decision making. Please understand, I would never ask anything bad for you. I want you to stop following your heart ! stop listening to him, especially when I am in command. Believe me, its for your better !

It’s a humble request, kindly follow me, or else be ready to face the consequences.

Yours sincerely,

Mind.

——-

Dear Arpit,

You often would have felt the presence of someone who is always with you. I am the one who beats for you (though I know I get the orders from someone else) , but I selflessly belongs to you.

The sometime beautiful and sometime dreadful feeling, the anxiety you feel most of the time, the shivering, the panic, the chaos within, it’s all because you possess me. All that apart, you admire “nature”( another hyped word for you) because of me. I am the one who tells you to run in the rain, to appreciate the beauty of a butterfly.

Most importantly I am the humble creator of your very own heartbeat, the sound that you love when you run, when you work. Yes, it’s the sound you love to hear when you are alone !

Now, please consider my prayer, listen to me always. I am the one responsible for your existence; I give you the emotions you always want to feel, and I always give what you want, trust me.

Yours only,

Heart.

——-

My soul thought. Oh no, I mean felt! No I mean it can’t do both of these without the mind and the heart. So I suppose my soul contained these within me. I have a mind that can think, think really well if I allow him to do so. A heart, which know what I want, which gives me all type of feelings I desire.

I just have to listen to my mind or heart when they are right. Basically we are at the same place where we all started. I love my mind and my heart !

Amen.

Satanicenthu !

I Suffer.

An absolutely pessimistic post, about what happens when you are in pain. Pain because you know what is happening, but can’t help it. You, trying to ‘be the change’ in the situation even worsens it.

You try to think things that didn’t happened. Thinking that you can come back easily from this situation, can easily come up to the surface of this deep lake to which you are into. Strangled in the green grass of the lake.

I want to rain along with the clouds, flow with the wind, fall along with the tear. Just want to get out of this situation. I want to come out of this unending, true dream.

My hands are shivering and are cold with sweat. I could feel the blood flowing in my veins, could feel every little possibility of things going wrong. Just want to hear a word “yes” for my only question “will you be there with me?”

I just want the time to stop, so that all this would stop and I can hide in the little places dispersing in the time tornado. Or all I could ask for after experiencing all this is forgiveness. Or should I still suffer, and wait for the time to never stop?

Amen.

A Journey with Light.

As children we all have a very strong desire to fly, I too had a dream to fly. To fly high, fast and open. Many times I have dreams of flying, which shows my strong wish for flying. One day someone agreed to take me along with her to fly. And that was none other than light.

Light asked me before hand if I had any fear of speed, people or objects. As she prepared me for the journey with her, she was convinced that she isn’t doing any mistake. As I tried to keep my cool, excitement grew and nervousness flapped its wings and went away. Actually everything seems to be flying!

Surrendering to the light, I lay barefoot on the medium she provided. I was surprised to see such an affectionate, kind and concerned attitude of light. She cared a lot about people, lives, world and the universe. We traveled miles and miles in a straight line, through the space, reflected at the beautiful lakes, glaring bright we offered innumerable beautiful scenes. We entered the trees, reflecting only the green part of ours, we were absorbed fully by the shade, intensified by the shining peaks, entered the eyes, interpreted by the small cones and rods. We discovered a whole new world of loneliness and isolation existing in the entire natural phenomenon.

Then I asked light a simple question. Do you ever feel satisfied with all these mighty qualities and Godly significance you have?

Light replied in a very polite manner

People are still unaware that there is one very beautiful creature in this world,  which is much faster than me and reaches everywhere before I can. And even more fascinating thing about her is that she is so fast that I haven’t met her till now.

Light smiled and left before I could thank her.

Amen.

The Darkness.

It happens sometimes that we wait; we wait because someone will be there when we leave. Wait in order to be replaced by someone else? Why can’t both of us be there together? Why is it that I had to leave when you will be there? We do need to spend some common time. Some very fruitful time, enrich our life with this time.

Whose fault is it? Is it that the lively colors cannot come along with the blindness? Or is it that chaos leaves peacefully for the tranquility to settle? We do not believe in the full moon till we haven’t seen the dark side of it. Call it the vicious circle of universe, but someone has to sacrifice for the other somebody to exist.

I keep the doors open, happily and readily for the anti of me to come and replace me. So it means that emptiness waits for you to break it. Dreams are seen just to be wakened up by someone in between? Silence recognizes itself when supersonic sound breaks it? Should silence not be allowed to spend some time with its counter part sound? Would loneliness never want to meet someone? Won’t it not require someone to share its wisdom earned after so many years of hardships?

Confused by the paranoid situations occurring in front of me, I sometimes ask myself; does corresponding thoughts intersect?

If light has reached somewhere, then it does imply that darkness would have been there long before we think light reached. So should I admit that it is darkness due to which we are acknowledging the importance of light in our life?

Feel lucky enough to have spend some common time together. Pretty lucky !

Amen.

The Light Mistress.

Walking in the sun, body drenched in the sweat, I saw a little, cute girl in her school uniform. She was holding an umbrella in order to be protected from the mighty sunshine. No tint of breeze, it was all glittering yellow, bright yellow. Then on the road in front of me was her, and in front of her was cloud’s shadow. A big grey colored spot, like an oasis in the desert. I try to follow her, in order to get the shade of the cloud.

I kept praying to God to hold that beautiful, grey colored form of the hope in this glaring sunlight. And so I followed that little girl or the Light mistress as I thought her to be, as she was the one leading that ‘hope’. I tried to quicken my steps in order to reach there, but it just carried along with her.

And then I realized, she was taking away my ‘hope’, the goodness in the life, the nurturing part of the nature. I was annoyed not to be able to catch up with her, unsatisfied with all my efforts, I keep losing my trust. Finally I decided to stop and watch my integrity break. I sat under the dazzling sun, thinking what had just happened.

She was the light mistress, how could she take away the light from me? Instead I realized, she was taking away the easiness, the readiness of everything from my life. The word was misinterpreted, the ‘hope’ was to remain with me, and thus I looked the situation through the filled part of the glass. She took away the darkness, left me with undying light, power to realize, controlled patience. Light mistress, you lead me to light.

Amen.

We, the People.

I met wind one day, she taught me how to stay quite and listen to everything happening. She taught me to be everywhere unnoticed. To hear each and every voice of nature. Learn the invisible way of life. World always acknowledge the power of such a clean, pure and transparent mode of functionality present in life.

We, the people are merely butterflies fluttering in the spotless, fresh ocean of this clear medium people call air. When it flows we call it wind, and then we challenge our thin, velvety, colorful and naked wings to overcome this storm in our lives. Fluttering for just a small unit of time, utmost a day, we think its lifetime. Living in our small, puny role which we think has been pre allotted to us, before we came into existence. Even if the nature demands of us to trigger a change, called by some as the butterfly effect we do not believe in that small probability. We believe in the word evolution. Where everything changes gradually, in accordance with our least suppressed needs, we do change but at a rate that is no where corresponding to what we require that time. Being satisfied with what is present is a real quality of existing lives in earth, except butterflies and of course humans. Is broadening the line of sight necessary to expand the live-the-life method?

There is nothing called an ‘end’ to what we need, just a mere virtual happiness.

We have to believe in ourselves, we have been on a receiving end of a beautiful, unexpected, mysterious and known to all transition. The transition of a lifetime; from a caterpillar to a butterfly. We have done it previously, just need to acknowledge it. We the butterflies know how to live by the change, for the change. Beautiful, innocent and simple creatures, turned into a total disaster, a tragedy for both the world and themselves.

Each of us has a perspective, which changes every moment.

The wind also told me that you have to be quite in order to maintain the balance, you have to be blowing hard to maintain the equilibrium. Thus, exist with each other, in harmony.

The wind still blows, the rain still falls. Grass grows tall, and the time ticks. We change, the world changes, just a matter of understanding.

Amen.

Letters to the Soul.

Oh Dear Loyalty,

As a result of your trustworthy, efficient and honest service for this stained, impure soul, we found you as the deserving candidate for the act called “Revenge”. Thus, we ask you to accept this as token of appreciation for the valuable help you provided during these crisis time. Though we are aware of the consequences that occur when this word is misinterpreted, we expect you to find its true meaning and execute this act.

To give just an idea, ‘revenge’ is the phenomenon which is expected to happen once anyone has realized the presence of injustice in and around him. (the argumentative part of the soul)

I expect you to understand the privilege of this ‘revenge’.

Best regards,

Your Soul.

——

My Dear Respected Soul and Master,

We will soon be reaching a state of war, please light the fire within. The pure feeling of undying loyalty, yours truly, understand the deep meaning of the two commonly yet effective words leading to mercy; ‘forgiveness’ and ‘hope’.

It’s not that you are asking for ‘revenge’, instead just the lack of right words at the right time.

Yours faithfully

Loyalty.

Amen !